Dry Spell

It's the hot, just past the middle of August, days in Alabama. Times that I've heard referred to as the "Dog Days" of summer. While I don't really know what that means........I'm pretty sure it has something to do with the scorching sun and stifling air that we experience every year around this time. It is usually very, very dry. Gardens wither up to nothing....grass gets really crunchy......the ground actually gets cracks in the top layer of soil from the lack of rain. As dry as things are.....the humidity is awful. It can take hair that you've spent half an hour working on about thirty seconds to wilt before your very eyes. You can hardly get from the house to the car before you feel the sweat run down your back....It's just hot....and dry.....did I say that already?!? This summer we have had more rain than normal, which has kept things alittle greener than we've come to expect.....but the hot days are still here. While my physical self is ready for some refreshing......my spiritual self is in even worse shape. It is about as dry as a normal Alabama summer. How did this happen? Why did I let it happen? It's a "slow fade" for me..........it happens before I even realize I'm dried out. My quiet times with the Lord happen less and less until I can't remember when I actually had one. I'm throwing out emergency prayers to the Lord....like someone calling 911! It usually takes some major "knockdown" to make me realize the state of my sin sick heart. This time it came in the form of very hurtful words said by me to one of my children. Words that were used in a fit of anger.......words that resulted from a major pity party of which I was right smack dab in the middle of. There's an old saying that goes something like " one who is wrapped up in ones self, makes for a very small package!" I can attest to that. I was so wrapped up in myself that I was just swinging at random. Somewhat like a blindfolded child with a stick and a pinata. I may be the only one who does this but just in case I'm not.....don't you just love the moment when you realize what a fool you really are?!? You know that moment when you feel about as low as the belly of a snake! And then to top it off........because while you were behaving so poorly.....and while your words were mean and hateful.....those same words spoke things that you never intended. I hate it when that happens, don't you?!?! You are right in the middle of your tacky, little pity party, feeling so entitled to your little fit and wham!!! You slam someone else with your poorly chosen words and attitudes. You hurt someone else all the way to their core because of your selfishness. My nature is typically that of a "pleaser." I don't like not being liked or accepted. But, in this case.......my "pleaser" personality must have been taking a nap!! Knowing that I had upset my child bothered me immediately, but after finding how deeply my words really wounded this child........I was almost overcome with grief!! I said all of that to say this. Had my spiritual life not been in the state it was in, I honestly believe that my words and actions would have been a little kinder. The sad thing is, this precious daugher of mine, was trying to be the spiritual light I needed and I shot her down.....thinking,in my hateful state, that she was being just a bit too spiritual for me. I wanted someone to just roll in the mud with me....not point me in the right direction.....so what does that say about me? First and foremost, it says that I am a sinner in need of a Savior!!!! And second, it tells me that I need to make my walk with the Lord the top priority in my life. I am so thankful that He seeks me out and calls to me and NEVER gives up on me. He wants me to throw away my pride and my sense of entitlement and let Him be, not just my Savior, but my Lord!! Thank you my sweet Jessie, for forgiving me and loving me in spite of my ugliness. I love you so much and I am so proud of the woman you are. You will be such an asset to Luke in ministry. Always be true to the One who loves you even more than I do!!
I'm always your biggest fan! Mama