I've had the Blues!!!

I have been in a "funk" for weeks now. I have blamed the weather.....it has rained and rained and rained some more the past couple of months. I have blamed work....not just the place but the people I deal with on a daily basis.....I have blamed the president.....I have blamed the economy.......I have blamed my man and my baby girl.....I have blamed myself.....I have blamed the dogs!! About the only one I haven't consciously blamed is God.....though if the truth be known, I have blamed Him too. I have battled with depression for as long as I can remember. And while, medication takes the edge off, there are still days that it is a major issue in my life. For the longest time, I was so embarrassed about it.....what in the world do I have to be depressed about?? I have a great life!!! I have come to realize that depression doesn't care if you have a great life or not!! I do know that the true depression I experience can be exagerated if I let life get too out of hand. I think of the line in the movie Coalminer's Daughterwhen Loretta Lynn says that instead of running her own life, her life was running her. She made this statement and then collapsed on stage. While I haven't collapsed, I completely "get" what she meant. Sometimes we get too busy "doing" that we miss what we needed to see. These past few months have been busy. Somedays I get to the end of the day and wonder where in the world the time went. I have faced some new areas in life. You know when you are young you think that the people in your life.....namely your parents will always be there....honestly you don't really think about this at all.....it's just one of the unspoken, unnamed expectations in life. When you are slapped in the face with the reality that they are only human and living in temporary bodies, and that they aren't always going to be here.....well suffice it to say....it is a shock to your system!! I'm a nurse and I know as well as anybody that we aren't made to live forever and that our human vessels are decaying as we speak......I know this in theory......but it is a hard thing to watch. Maybe I am having a "midlife" crisis......who am I kidding...I am 51 years old.....who lives to be 102?!?! I am a bit past midlife....but the crisis part may still be there. I find myself worrying about things that I have no control over......I didn't used to worry at all!! I am thinking about all the "what ifs" of life these days. What does that say about me? For one thing, it says I am human!! For another, it says that I am in desperate need of a Savior!! I am so thankful that I have One!! He loves me too much to leave me like I am....and while I am human and sinful.....He can still use me if I will let Him. The one thing I have to remember is when the waves are over my head....they are under His feet and if I will just keep my eyes on Him, everything will be alright!! "And when Peter had come down out of the boat, he walked on the water to go to Jesus. But when he saw that the wind was boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink he cried out, saying, "Lord, save me!" And immediately Jesus stretched out His hand and caught him."Matthew 14:29-31