It's Almost Here

Since my last post, things are better. We have had some beautiful sunshine filled days. All the "little" things that get under my skin seem to have eased up. This sinus/upper respiratory "crud" that I've had on and off since January is getting better.....finally!! Spring is definitely on the way......my tulip tree is beautiful and my yellow bells are gorgeous! Waiting on the dogwoods that always appear by Easter and my azaleas!! I love the newness of Spring! While today feels cold and wet....the new season is peeping around the corner and I am thrilled!! As I write this I'm still in my robe. I was so aggravated at myself when I woke up at 6:00 this morning, a Saturday!! I hate that....so I finally got up and had coffee and a "Little Debbie" swiss roll ( the breakfast of champions) ha...more like the breakfast of fat girls...spent some time with the Lord......and then went back to bed and stayed there until noon!! I know.....that is pitiful.....but it felt so good!! This is one girl who loves to sleep! I'm up now and the house is quiet. There's no t.v. going, all I can hear is the hum of the heat pump, and the occasional sound of my wind chimes and the sweet sound of birdsong. So peaceful and restful! My love is at work and my other love is still in the bed (she likes her sleep too!) As much as I love my family and treasure the time I have with them(most of the time), I so love these quiet, uninterupted moments. Time when you can just let your mind wander and ponder! These are the times that I sometimes hear from the Lord about something in my life....these are also the times that I mull over ideas and things that I need to do, and things that I want to do. It's also the time that the Lord brings to my mind people that I need to pray for and lift up to Him. I so take for granted the things in my life......the simple things like being able to see and hear and smell!! I can see the wonders of His hands...I can hear the sounds of His creation......I can smell the sweet scent of the coming Spring!! I can feel the touch of a rose petal....I can taste the sweetness of a fresh peach! What a wonderful creator we have! And He loves me!! I will never cease to be amazed by this. I am such a wretch!! I can be as moody and hateful as sin.....I can be as judgemental and condemning as anybody...I can be resentful and mean. I so want to be a good little "Jesus girl." But I'm not....I'm just me. He knows that....He made me!! The desire of my heart is that each day of my life points people to Jesus, not away from Him. I can't do this by myself. The wonderful thing is that I don't have to. He walks beside every step of the way......He picks me up when I fall and dusts me off and on occasion swats my behind before He stands me back up. This reminds me of being a little girl and milling around in one of our chicken houses with my Papa. Out of the clear blue, he snatched me up and scared me to death....He saw what I didn't....a snake! I would have placed my foot squarely on that snake had it not been for my Papa. My walk with God is much the same....He sees the things that I don't.....sometimes there may be an unseen snake in my path..... sometimes I may be the snake. Either way He can handle the situation!! I am so thankful that He can and does handle me and the situations of my life!! Those whom I love, I reprove and discipline, so be zealous and repent. Revelation 4:19i>

I've had the Blues!!!

I have been in a "funk" for weeks now. I have blamed the weather.....it has rained and rained and rained some more the past couple of months. I have blamed work....not just the place but the people I deal with on a daily basis.....I have blamed the president.....I have blamed the economy.......I have blamed my man and my baby girl.....I have blamed myself.....I have blamed the dogs!! About the only one I haven't consciously blamed is God.....though if the truth be known, I have blamed Him too. I have battled with depression for as long as I can remember. And while, medication takes the edge off, there are still days that it is a major issue in my life. For the longest time, I was so embarrassed about it.....what in the world do I have to be depressed about?? I have a great life!!! I have come to realize that depression doesn't care if you have a great life or not!! I do know that the true depression I experience can be exagerated if I let life get too out of hand. I think of the line in the movie Coalminer's Daughterwhen Loretta Lynn says that instead of running her own life, her life was running her. She made this statement and then collapsed on stage. While I haven't collapsed, I completely "get" what she meant. Sometimes we get too busy "doing" that we miss what we needed to see. These past few months have been busy. Somedays I get to the end of the day and wonder where in the world the time went. I have faced some new areas in life. You know when you are young you think that the people in your life.....namely your parents will always be there....honestly you don't really think about this at all.....it's just one of the unspoken, unnamed expectations in life. When you are slapped in the face with the reality that they are only human and living in temporary bodies, and that they aren't always going to be here.....well suffice it to say....it is a shock to your system!! I'm a nurse and I know as well as anybody that we aren't made to live forever and that our human vessels are decaying as we speak......I know this in theory......but it is a hard thing to watch. Maybe I am having a "midlife" crisis......who am I kidding...I am 51 years old.....who lives to be 102?!?! I am a bit past midlife....but the crisis part may still be there. I find myself worrying about things that I have no control over......I didn't used to worry at all!! I am thinking about all the "what ifs" of life these days. What does that say about me? For one thing, it says I am human!! For another, it says that I am in desperate need of a Savior!! I am so thankful that I have One!! He loves me too much to leave me like I am....and while I am human and sinful.....He can still use me if I will let Him. The one thing I have to remember is when the waves are over my head....they are under His feet and if I will just keep my eyes on Him, everything will be alright!! "And when Peter had come down out of the boat, he walked on the water to go to Jesus. But when he saw that the wind was boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink he cried out, saying, "Lord, save me!" And immediately Jesus stretched out His hand and caught him."Matthew 14:29-31